There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
