dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize