look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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