Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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