If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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