I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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