hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
