she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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