At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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