is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
