instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize