Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
