I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize