a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
