I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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