what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize