I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
