mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
