Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
