Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
