you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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