You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
