i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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