They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
