Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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