It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
