Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
