the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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