Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
