Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize