he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
