some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
