I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
