That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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