i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
