I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
