I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
