so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
