Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
