I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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