I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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