I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
