yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize