I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
