I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
