A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
