11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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