I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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