And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
