a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
