And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
