I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
sex in a hospital.. check
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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