If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize