I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
