It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize