What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
