How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
