...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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