i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to make out with him forever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
