don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
