I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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