There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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