you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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