I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
