So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
