i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
