I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
