Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
