I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
