What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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