So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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