I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
