i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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