Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
