she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
