don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
