Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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