he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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