I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
