You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
