I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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