Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
