I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
