Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize