if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
