I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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