He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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