her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
