don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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