Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
