What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
