i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize