Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
