She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize