i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
