I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you win again, gameday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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