Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
