She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize