you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
