Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
