I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
