Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
