you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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