nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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