One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
