I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i believe in u and ur pee
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
