yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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