I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
