i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
