Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
