Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize