I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
