So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
