New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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