that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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