Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
