That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I sprained my soul last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
