I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
