yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
