Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
