So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
