And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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