I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
