I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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