I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
