i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
