Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize