Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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