So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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